I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This house was built for laser tag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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