The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
