smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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