Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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