Will you blow on my dice?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
