idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
