you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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