ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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