I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
