So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
