I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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