Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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