I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
