This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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