Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to make out with him forever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
