How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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