there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
