just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?