i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.