I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?