no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
