you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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