Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize