seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
