You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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