My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
