seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
