I wanna bring you to show and tell
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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