I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
