Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
