Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
