Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
