the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
