youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
