capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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