He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
