They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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