i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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