So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
