You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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