I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
