What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
