i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
