he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
