Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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