I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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