Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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