I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She is in my trunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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