how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
