I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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