roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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