Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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