Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
