Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize