When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
