He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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