I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
