I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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