true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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