its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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