So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
