so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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