she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
