I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
