Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
