just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
